I Hate Mimes Club Article 106

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ARTICLE #106:
GREASEPAINT NINJAS AND THE MARATHON WALL.

The recent Toronto marathon saw upwards of 20,000 robust souls take to the streets and slog out 24 grueling miles, most to raise money for a deserving charity, their donut habit, or downtown rent (in my opinion, all equally worthy causes). Despite literally afternoons of rigorous training over 3,000 individuals failed to finish, and many reported "Hitting the wall."

This "jog-speak" was kindly translated for me by a representative from "New York Runner" (a magazine about rapid leg movements) and, in regular English means " the INVISIBLE BARRIER that many runners encounter 18-22 miles into a marathon" Alarmingly, my source added that "mawkish (strangely silent ) spectators often position themselves along that part of the course just to WITNESS THE TORMENT OF WALLED RUNNERS" Readers, my response was instantaneous and typically vocal.

"HOLY JEHOVAH - THE HORROR!"

Until now, THE WALL phenomenon has been explained away by HANDWAVING LEG SCIENTISTS as an imaginary barrier - present only in the addled minds of marathoneers. However, recent research carried out at the SAVAGE INSTITUTE suggests another, hugely disturbing, explanation. In fact the wall, as described above, is an invisible anti personnel device placed in our streets by teams of silent, black-clad mimes. Our data suggest that these GREASEPAINT NINJAS conjure their invisible walls and then, mingling with the gathering crowds, stand back to leer at the inevitable carnage.

Readers, I'm sure you would agree that this is cold and callous behavior, and as such, quite typical of mimes.

So, the next time your tempted to go for a dawn-run remember THE WALL - and reconsider. I'd recommend putting on some PINK FLOYD, pulling up the blankets and dozing, until maybe - NOON.

Trust me, I'm a doctor.
Sincerely, Doc Savage.

NEXT WEEK FROM DOC SAVAGE :
THE GLASS CEILING - ANOTHER MIME WEAPON?

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