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Would u like 2 swop links with my joke site??? My site is at http://www.laughingshop.com if you want to have a look. THANKS
Georgie Casey laughingshop@iol.ie
Oh look - another gay porn site! How amusing. 
- Lardlumps -
 

Why didn't you update the frickin' site last week?! Geez!
Shmiley
After ALL that we've gone through in the last month, and all you can think about is why we didn't update our site a week ago?? It's all about you you you, huh?  Well, I guess we know where not to go for some sympathy, Grumble.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

What does carpet taste like?
Wild Bill
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say:  carpet.
- Jason -
How bout I ram Shortliver's afro into your mouth, swish it around, knock out a few of your teeth, and tell you the truth about the tooth fairy? Would you like that??
- Lardlumps -
 

Are galaxies gay?
Wild Bill
Yeah, but they haven't come out of the universe yet, so we're not supposed to talk about it in mixed company.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Why are your videos so crap?
sarah
I'm kind of confused on this whole video thing?  Elvis, Lardlumps, have you guys been producing porn again?
- Jason -
I'll tell you why: Nevermind. Now don't you feel left out?
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

If Regis Philbin came to my door, should I run and hide in my bedroom closet or simply offer him a beer?
Wild Bill
Get a beer.  Shake it vigorously.  Hand it to Regis.  Hide.  Wait for the explosion.
- Jason -
 

I think I'll stop wasting my time coming to this site, since it sucks so much. Will you have a problem with that?
White Paul thenext1@hotmail.com
Oh yeah, well I think I'LL stop going to YOUR site, since IT sucks so much! It's just like a real war! What do you think about that, Mr. Cheyznrbl??
- Lardlumps -
 

Is it true that the harmonica is really a tool of the devil?
Bobo The Hobo Aww, forget it!
No, but I think Harmonica Lewinski might be.
- Jason -
If that's true, then the kazoo must be the tool of angels, and that brings us into a whole new realm of pathetic topics - what type of shaving cream does God use? What time is dinner served in Heaven? Will there be pudding? What's the most boring website on the internet! No!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Would Michael Jackson be a good babysitter???
Mike
I'd feel better if his pet chimp Bubbles was the babysitter.
- Jason -
If you ever really have to make a decision like that, don't kill yourself. Let ME pull the trigger.
- Lardlumps -
 

I have to write a paper about parallels in Doestoyevsky's 'Crime and Punishment' and 'Notes from the Underground'. What are they? Thanks.
Lee
Crime is when you do something that society thinks is wrong, so they make you do something crappy, which is punishment. Once you die & are buried, you'll be permanently living underground, and you'll only be able to write yourself notes about all the things your missing, like fishing, playing hookey and breathing. Being dead is not like being a stoner, but it could be, if you try really hard at being good. Make sense? I got a D, but it was mostly for the effort.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

If Simian is bad do you spank him/her???
Mike
No, we don't believe in spanking monkeys around here.  We're a very non-violent group.
- Jason -
 

Do El Nino and La Nina ever get in on? Can climatic phenomena such as these even do it?
OzzyPedro http://www.give-me-money.com
What's up with all the astromonical questions this week? We're not qualified in this, but from what I understand Mr. Nino has a hot temper & was issued a restraining order by the Supreme Court Of Cumulus. Mrs. Nina changed her name & moved in with a low pressure system somewhere off the coast of Fiji, and as far as anybody knows, never heard from the big hot head again.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

I don't understand. What is happening here? 
milky
We have a web site.  You like our web site.  You give us a credit card number (Visa, Master Card, Discover, or AMEX).  We bill you $5000.  You sit back in blissful ignorance and quietly laugh to yourself.  We buy a new home entertainment center.
- Jason -
You're being born! Shut Up!!
- Lardlumps -
 

Hola, no intelligente puntos. Tu aburrido y estupido. Que tu colore favorito, punto? 
Paco The' Sniffin
Maybe if he learned a superior language I'd answer this one, but Paco's being difficult.
- Lardlumps -
 

Jason, the 'like' stuff was all an act. I just used it to get closer to you. I've been keeping it a secret for such a long time, but I want your antennea. Your greenness ... I just can't control myself. You're just sooo witty. Please, TAKE ME NOW!!! (we can even use those jumper cables ... unless of course you're sensitive..) (oh wait. this has to be in the form of a question doesn't it?) Do you prefer peanut butter or whipped cream? 
Whinny Hopalong
Um. Cigar?
- Jason -
 

In trig class, there are two girls who sit in front of me, and talk about clothes and exceptional boys. It's driving me nuts. How can I make them stop?
Lucy
Hey, I had 2 girls just like that in my candle-making class, and then I graduated, and now those same 2 girls sit next to me at work. All they talk about is how they're going to go home & torture their husbands, and how they splurged on bunt cake because they felt unloved. Ugh! They drive me nuts! 
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

If I sneeze while holding my mouth and nose closed, will my head blow up?
Guido http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Cavern/8200/
No, your eyeballs will pop out and dangle by your optic nerves.  The upside is you'll be able to see your own eyeballs, and you'll be able to look around corners without sticking your head out.
- Jason -
No, but ME holding them should work. Stop squirming.
- Lardlumps -
 
 

Mr Lardlumps, if weasels frolic in your rose bushes, what happens to them? Guido http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Cavern/8200/ I am so glad I got this question before Mr. Lardlumps saw it. Mr. Lardlumps is very protective of his rose bushes. Don't F%@& with the rose bushes! Sheesh, what are you trying to prove anyways? Spare yourself! - Elvis Shortliver -

OzzyPedro Predicts "."

What happens if I never clean out the lint from my bellybutton? Is there a use for used bellybutton lint and if so, what?
doddle hopper
You'll end up with the softest pillow you ever slept on.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

WHERE'S MY BREAKFAST?!?!?!?
Jenn Dolari http://home.austin.rr.com/dolari
All I do is cook and clean while you spend all of your time talking in AOL chatrooms! When is it time for ME, huh? There is no 'U' in 'Divorce', Buster! When do I get MY share?
- Lardlumps -
 

Have you ever seen something move so quickly that you think you thought you saw something but you weren't quite sure what it was or even if you actually saw something cause it all happened way too fast but you are pretty sure that you think that you thought that you might have seen something maybe just maybe? And if so what the hell was it? And how do you make it go away?
Squashed Bugg
Without sounding too paranoid, S.B., it's just a few aliens, specifically 'grays', who are just stopping by to check on you, probe your pithy body, change the batteries in your tracker and the smoke detector, and erase your memory before they zoom off to party at the dirty place in space.
- Elvis Shortliver -
Yeah, well you can't prove anything, so kiss my ass.
- Lardlumps -
 

How is it that the cow jumped over the moon? Did he have a really big trampoline? And if so, how did he get on it? How big of a jump would he/she have to take to be able to get all the way up & over? Did he/she wear a parachute just in case? Did he/she even make it back down safely? We never heard if they came back or not. Maybe the moon has cows living on it, or maybe the man in the moon eats beef every night. I need serious help
Mother Puddle
The cow was able to jump over the moon because I strapped booster rockets to her.  Unfortunately I forgot to include a parachute and she became well-done on re-entry.  Poor Bessie.
- Jason -
See what happens when you teach your kids lies? Come here, Puddly, I have ALOT of explaining to do...
- Elvis Shortliver -