Elvis Shortliver

Simian T. Marmoset

Jason X

THIS WEEK'S QUESTIONS
 

Why is the sky blue? If it's a reflection of the ocean, then what makes the ocean blue?
msbhave
Food coloring.
- Jason -
Just turn the tint knob to the left & you should be able to adjust the hue, then spend the next 4 hours wondering if you set it correctly.
- Elvis Shortliver -
Here at Wacky Advice, we've found many great ways to replace the environment... Just get a load of what we can do to Antarctica with just a box of frozen waffles and toothpaste!
- Simian -
 

Just to let you all know, I am not British. In fact, I am Irish, but that is besides the point. The real question is - why don't more people from my hemisphere write questions in to you lot, or are your regulars all mad Americans with nothing better to do?
Stanley Tetley
Well if you're Irish, then what the hell are you doing in England?
- Elvis Shortliver -
Usually it's because by the time questions from your hemisphere arrive, they've gone bad and we have to ship them back.
- Jason -
 

What do I have to do to get some aderal?
teddy
I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Jeez, what kind of answers do you guys want? It's not like I get a paycheck or anything!
- Simian -
 

Hey, all you regulars! You see that disclaimer there? That was put there because of me! That's right, ME!! Who's Mamma's favorite now!??!!
Shmiley
I believe we referred to you as a "Mamma's boy", not "Mamma's favorite" Shimley.
- Jason -
Are you suggesting that we dig Mamma up from her final resting place at the Happy Maggot Cemetery and Orange Juice Factory just to ask her? You're one sick guy, Shmiley, you know that?
- Simian -
 

Ok I appear to have a problem (no not the fingertips .......... or the broken leg) it's these dreams I keep having it starts at Shortliver's house. Simian and Jason are there laying next to each other and glowing green ... this whole scene has warped my fragile eggshell mind .... please I need some help?!?!?!?!?
FLAGG OoFLAGGo0@aol.com
This isn't the first time you've had your leg broken, is it Flagg?
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

If you can't get a girl, but you best friend, is it time to move your body? Or stop listening to British pop stars?
Lucy
Ever thought of putting two similar sentences together? I am frank to say, I am puzzled. Now, get over here. I just want to slap you with a sock filled with sauerkraut and nails for a minute.
- Simian -
 

Does ANYONE like the French? Or the Germans?
Bill
Hey you forgot to mention the British. Who the heck likes them? But really, Jerry Lewis likes the French. I'm afraid I can't think of anyone else, but Jerry really, REALLY likes the French. Without them, he'd have no career after the whole Dean Martin fiasco. And those wacky Germans! They're always making sausage and beer and stuff. How can you dislike that? And any country that spares the rest of us from listening to David Hasslehoff sing is okay in my book.
- Simian -
Much like matter, and anti-matter, I believe rather than thwart the German's invasion during WWII, we should have simply contained their invasion to France letting them both fight until they'd totally obliterated each other, then we could have moved in, torn everything down and built a big-ass theme park.
- Jason -
The French love the Germans, but I'm not too sure about the Germans loving anything.
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

Can we pitch a fuss?  Or a wang-dang-doodle?
Anonymous
I don't get it. Is it cool to make no sense? Is it hip to be vague? I guess you can wang-dang-whatever; just don't get any of it on the floor, okay?
- Simian -
Please leave my Hoo-hah out of this.
- Jason -
 
 

Elvis IM'd me once. I didn't respond because I was busy. Will I go to hell for that? Shmiley www.Happyscrappy.com I was only trying to tell you that you could run our website, but then I realized what a grave mistake I would be making & apologized to Simian & Jason. Oh well. - Elvis Shortliver -

OzzyPedro Predicts " will never get confused with sex."

OK Jesus "died for our sins" right ... he also knew he was going to die ... so technically by allowing his death didn't he commit suicide? So all these millions of people worship a man who committed a mortal sin?
FLAGG OoFLAGGo0@aol.com
I'm dressing up as the Pope this Halloween, and YOUR house is the first place I'm going to egg, heretic!
- Elvis Shortliver -
 

They said "Do the Dew."  So I did. Now the Dew wants me to Do it again. I said No Can Do, but Dew said No Can Do won't Do. Now I have to Undo the Dew since the Dew was Done and wants to be Done again. What should I Do?
Wild Bill
I'm sorry, but the Dew Undo function is unavailable at this time.  You might try to redo your last undo of The Dew, but I do believe it will ultimately lead to your undoing. . .undewing. . .whatever.
- Jason -
Don't...........
- DOODOO... Err... Elvis Shortliver  -
 

Did somebody say Mcdonalds?
Shmiley www.ow.com
Just one of the 7 different voices in your head.  Voice number 2 said to burn things.
- Jason -
 

I am on a mission to find out exactly what mechanically separated chicken is. Maybe they should list the ingredients on mystery meat products.
Kim compnmore.com
Yeah, they probably should.
- Elvis Shortliver -
Ahhhh! I'm just a monkey! It's not like I can process this much information at once! Why would anyone what mechanical chicken? Does anyone really eat SPAM? Why? Why? Oh the hurting...
- Simian -