1 - I AM THE LORD THY GOD, 
     THOU SHALT NOT HAVE strange gods BEFORE ME.

BILL GATES IS, ONCE AGAIN, WARPING OUR MINDS IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE.
KEEP YOUR DRAPES NO LONGER THEN ¾" FROM THE BASE OF THE FLOOR.
DRESSING UP LIKE MR. LARDLUMPS ON HALLOWEEN IS NOT COOL.
IF YOUR NAME IS BUDDHA, VISHNU, OR CHANCELLOR PINKO, YOU GOT big PROBLEMS.
WHOA, THIS IS WAY TOO HARD. WHAT'S THE PRICE I'D PAY AGAIN? 

 2 - THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN.

TURKEY DOGS JUST DON'T TASTE THE SAME AS REAL HOT DOGS.
SNACKWURST^© HAD TO CHANGE THEIR NAME 3 TIMES BECAUSE OF THIS ONE.
IF YOU TRIP, SOMETIMES IT TAKES A WHILE FOR HELP TO GET THERE.
PAROLE ONLY COMES ONCE A YEAR, JUST LIKE CHRISTMAS.
I GIVE UP, MY BRAINS ARE SMOKING.

 3 - REMEMBER THOU KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH DAY.

DON'T GO IN PAST YOUR WAIST UNLESS YOU ATE AT LEAST AN HOUR AGO.
DON'T CONFUSE TABASCO SAUCE WITH KETCHUP.
WASHING HANDS WITH SOAP and WATER PREVENTS BACTERIA.
DON'T JUST WRITE ON THE POST IT NOTE. REMEMBER TO READ IT LATER ON.
SORRY, I ONLY SAW SABBATH ONCE & OZZY WAS LOOKIN' KINDA OLD.

 4 - HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER.

BLAME EVERYTHING ON YOUR PROMISCUOUS UNCLE GIBSON.
CLICK THIS BUTTON FOR A FREE GIFT!
THE ARMY HAS A BADGE and A CEMETARY PLOT WITH YOUR NAME ON IT.
JUGGLING IS A GREAT WAY TO ENTERTAIN MOM & DAD.
I THINK I AM DISQUALIFIED FROM THIS COMMANDMENT AS I AM ILLEGITIMATE.

 5 - THOU SHALT NOT KILL.

UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
SLOW DOWN AND TAKE DEEP BREATHS UNTIL IT STOPS HURTING.
THESE BOOTS WERE MADE FOR WALKIN'...
WARNING: I BREAK FOR CROCODILES AND BUNNY RABBITS.
KILL? I NEVER EVEN HEARD OF GREENPEACE. 

 6 - THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.

ESPECIALLY ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY. THAT WOULD BE really BAD.
NEVER LEAVE A GLASS OF ICE UNATTENDED IN TEMPERATURES BELOW FREEZING.
HANG UP ON TELEMARKETERS BEFORE THEY SUCKER YOU IN.
ONLY USE COLD MEDICINE WHEN YOU ARE sure YOU HAVE A COLD.
I CAN'T COMMIT ADULTERY COZ I HAVE ISSUES.

 7 - THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.

DON'T TAKE HOME ALL OF THE JELLIES WHEN YOU GO TO DENNY'S.
LITTLE JOHN WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD A HARD TIME WITH THIS ONE.
UNLESS THEY CHANGE THE DEFINITION TO being happy.
"EVERY PICTURE ON THIS WEBSITE IS MINE I SWEAR!" - ELVIS SHORTLIVER
I LEFT MY HEART IN SAN FRANCISCO. HAVE YOU SEEN IT?

 8 - THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR.

IF THE GUY NEXT DOOR IS STREAKING THRU YOUR YARD, GIVE HIM SOME SHOES.
ONLY TALK TO PEOPLE AFTER TAKING A LIE DETECTOR TEST.
UNLESS THY NEIGHBOR IS IN FACT DRESSED IN A BEAR SUIT.
DON'T DISTURB THE NEIGHBORS EVEN IF THEY ARE DEAF.
I CAN'T BEAR ANYTHING BECAUSE I AM BARREN.

 9 - THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE.

SCALDING COFFEE MOST PROBABLY HAS BEEN BURNT. DON'T DRINK IT.
THE NEW MALIBU BEACH BARBIE COMES WITH A SPEEDBOAT.
ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKES JACK A DULL BOY.
20 BUCKS CAN BUY ALOT OF THINGS, SOME OF WHICH YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM.
HEY, I married MY NEIGHBOR'S EX-WIFE. DO I STILL QUALIFY?

10 - THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS.

THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO PEEL POTATOES.
IF IT RAINS, DON'T BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE TO CLOSE THE WINDOWS.
CAN'T I COVET THEM FOR A little WHILE & THEN STOP?
REMEMBER: DON'T ever MOVE IN WITH YOUR LANDLORD!
I AM VERY AFRAID OF WHAT MY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS ACTUALLY ARE.