So how far will the "Blonde" excuse get me in a court of law...how about the "I had PMS" excuse?
Blonde
Are you following me around and simulating my cases?
 

What if I really DID do it?
anonymous
When I was kicking heroin a few years back, I remember the feelings of rage which would come over me like a hot apple pie. My endless desires to take those specialists & drag their bodies down to the nearby lake & choke every last dying breath out of them before... I am sorry, I cannot be of much help to you with this one. I must go see my counsellor.
 

there is this girl that keeps annoying me on the net she is Buffy/softball freak is it ok for me to burn her conisistantly?
Brent
Ahh, the old Sharon Tate approach might just work, providing there is absolutely no evidence left behind. 
 

is smoking crack legal if you are already brain dead
Brent
Are you following me around and simulating my cases?
 

is it ok for me to conisistantly burn this bitch named aileen that goes to our school cause she is flat and thinks shes all that
Brent
Ahh, the old Sharon Tate approach might just work, providing there is absolutely no evidence left behind. 
 

When you drop toast, it lands butter side down, and when you drop a cat, it lands on its feet. So what would happen if you buttered the back of a cat and dropped it??
Karen
Toilets are not meant to hurt people, unless the toilet falls into the wrong hands. Have you ever heard of a person being found guilty of harming another person with a toilet? I rest my case.
 

are you really a lawyer?
akkmed kaddev
I summon the memories of my experiences in Vietnam. While lying on my stomach, Hueys hovering in the distance, the entie jungle moving with the enemy, and my only sense of solace being my degree in law. Then I threw away my logic & stood up running toward my enemy with my hands full of mud. Sometimes logic is just a nuisance. Now, resting in a lwan chair next to a lake! That is my solace.
 

I'm tired. What would you recommend for me to take so I won't sleep? I can't sleep! I need to run away...they're following me you know. So if there's anything on the market that can help me and you know about, please tell...and quickly, before they catch me!
Lucy
Are you by chance one of the Kennedys? That would be a plus for you right now!
 

If I am in on the office football pool and lose, can I turn the guys in for illegal gambling?
Galootey
Claus Von Bulow described this best. He said, I did not do such a thing. If you remain consistent with this, you should have no problem. Make sure you wash your hands before arriving home from the lake.
 

What do you do if someone starts stripping in front of your dining room window?
Kitty
A thought for you - Mary had a little lamb. It's fleece was white as snow. Knowing that winter was fast approaching, where do you think the lamb went off to? I will almost certainly rule out the bottom of a lake. you?
 

how old does my girlfriend have to be?
akkmed k
Well, my future client, allow me to introduce the splendid art of the baseball bat on this pumpkin here...
 

Why do people drive on the parkway and park on the driveway?
Keese
Are you sure you're not making this up? I must warn you, there are hefty fines which hold up in a court of law for innocent people, and I'd hate to see you become a victim of that. I'd say that you should go & get the people involved in this scheme & dispose of them in white rapids. It'll rip em to shreds & the authorities won't be able to recognise them anyway - HIC! - excuse me.
 

Is it legal to have sex with Gary Coleman and to #@$% &%$# @&*%?
Leonard Elk
Shave, Shave, A Bucket & A Mop. The last words of my best friend, who was late for work & haphazardly drove into a cliff. Be careful my friend.
 

Can I shoot my neighbor's dog for barking at night?
Tracy
SLANDER! That is EXACTLY what they are doing to you! You must act IMMEDIATELY! Invite them to spend the day with you at the most secluded lake you can find, then extinguish them neatly & let your own creativity flourish when disposing the bodies in the lake. Remember, it is YOUR creativity which will vindicate you.