In Jail Again

Stalking William Shatner

Anti-Omni Present

THIS WEEK

Who is this Maggie that has been on the last couple of weeks?  She never makes any sense!  Either she's been trying to masturbate and think at the same time or she's just been watching too much Jerry Springer!
White Paul
Paul, I'm afraid to tell you, Maggie is.... Your mother. By day she seems like an average old woman, but by night, whoo boy, I don't want to go there!
- Shmiley -
It's my opinion that this Maggie is on something and she isn't sharing with the rest of us. Maggie remember that sharing is GOOD!!
- Looney and his What -
What the #@&*!  I must have either been drunk watching a Pauly Shore movie when I asked that question.
- White Paul -
 

Can you set me up with HOK?
Maggie
Only if you pay my bar tab - It reads like GM's annual report...
- Carnut -
No, I but can set you up with Irving, the local village idiot.
- OzzyPedro -
Only if you set me up with Pamela Anderson Lee, but if you can't I guess Tommy Lee will do just fine.
- White Paul -
 

Should I buy the tiny yellow fuzzy short short shorts?
Maggie
Only if you have an itsy-bitsy, teenie-weenie, yellow, polka dot bikini to go with them.
- Diamond Dog -
Only if your going to wear them over your head.
- White Paul -
Only if your bum is hungry (it will eat them).
- OzzyPedro -
You mean the shorts that are in reality not even shorts, but the spawn of Big Bird and Satan? Yes Maggie, go for it.
- BabyLambFat -
 

Yeah so.... uh... like... how do porcupines..... how do you say.... scronk... mate... do the nasty... you know???!!?!? Petrie (Guido's Pal) Why, did you meet someone special? - Guido - They do it exactly the same way as the ring-tailed, speckle assed, wily, south-eastern rock wallabies do it. - OzzyPedro -

Guido

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? How much wood would a woodchuck upchuck if a woodchuck could upchuck?
SomeDummy
Here's a better one: How much *hit could a web site get if SomeDummy kept writing on it?
- White Paul -
 

Okay, so I'm sittin' here in computer class, checking my e-mail (even though I'm not supposed to...), and I figure, "Hey, why not piss Mr. Winter off even more and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?". So, I wrote you a question! Ha! Wait, what WAS my question?? Oh yeah! How can I escape Algebra I with a pair of suspenders and a rubber ducky?
PepsiGirl
Sorry, PepsiGirl, I can't help you with this one. However, I do have a very cunning plan for escaping from a high security mental ward with a pair of suspenders and a rubber ducky. I'll let you know how it goes.
- OzzyPedro -
Ahhhhh!! ARE YOU THAT POSSESSED LITTLE GIRL FROM THOSE DEMENTED PEPSI COMMERCIALS??? IF YOU ARE, TIE THE SUSPENDERS AROUND YOUR NECK AND BRIBE THE RUBBER DUCKY TO PULL AS HARD AS HE/SHE CAN!! OKAY CAN YOU DO THAT??
- Spooky -
 

Why does it seem that most of the questions on here aren't asking for advice when this web site is supposed to give advice?
White Paul
I have a friend named Paul, but he's black. Pretty ironic, huh?
- Shmiley -
We're supposed to give advice?!
- Looney and his What -
Dear White Paul,
Your complaint has been registered and you can be assured that it will be ignored.
- OzzyPedro -
 
 

You guys have been away for almost a month and I've had to spend all my internet time looking at funny pictures that I've already have seen a thousand times!  If you ever leave for that long again, what should I do?  I can't stand looking at all those stupid pictures anymore! White Paul My dog did that once. - Maggie - Duhhhhhhhhh..... Peanuts are crunchy? - Shmiley - I like toilet paper - Looney and his What -

White Paul

What's snoo?
Silent Rob
I don't know, a cereal?
- White Paul -
It's when you get woken up 2/3 of the way into a nap. Thanks.
- OzzyPedro -
 

Why?
Berzerk
Dude! Great question, too bad it's been answered 20 BILLION TIMES!!!!!!!!! Go straight to the Hungarian Gulag. Do not pass Go and do not collect $200.
- Shmiley -
I have a tattoo of an ass on my ass... didn't expect that one, did ya?
- White Paul -
 

I met a man in a Micky Mouse suit on the street, so I gave him a hug. When I did he started caressing my buttocks. So I kicked him in his groin and ran away. Was that ethical?
Shmiley
Well now, heh heh, I think we all know that it is. You must be the stupidest person on the planet to ask such a dumb question like that! Why if I had a nickle for eve- Oh wait, that's my question. Uh....I have to go.
- Shmiley -
Well, never hug a "Mickey" outside of Disney property. The supposed "mouse" you saw probably had a strain of rabies. It would be more ethical to put him down, in fact, the most ethical thing to do would be to put all men in mouse suits down. However, kicking them in the groin does have it's own little charming, ethical effect on them.
- Diamond Dog -
People in cartoon character suits are mimes. Therefore it was ethical and I bet it was fun too.
- OzzyPedro -
 
 

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? And if so, do they feel guilty for it? Petrie www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Cavern/8200 Being a carnivore and part cannibal I can't say I know... But YOU look pretty darn Plump, Petrie. Do you mind if I eat your foot? Just a little nibble? - Shmiley - Vegetarians eat anything. Bring out the Kentucky Fried Chicken at a vegan party and see how quickly it disappears (and also note how much of their own food is left at the end). - OzzyPedro - Only if the crackers are completely dead and died from natural causes.  Having had no contact with pesticides, large trucks or other things that contradict their hippy beliefs. - Guido - Well of course, you can't eat the balloon animals. - Looney and his What -

OzzyPedro

I don't have to bid for Bud Uglly stuff do I? Can't I just steal it... Sparky will get mad if he does not get a cut though. Did you save the guestbook too?
Blonde http://wwwjustin.com/
Shut up, I've had enough of your rubbish!
- White Paul -
Tell Sparky to steal his own.
- OzzyPedro -
 

Kay, so, like, I'm this chik and I have REALLY long hair that's never been cut shorter than my chin. I'm REALLY wanting to hack it all off so I can spike it all coolies like, right? So, like, should I? Ya think I'd look good?? Tell me... TELL ME!! I GOTTA KNOW!!
tai http://www.geocities.com/tar_frog
I have a flat-top afro.  When I pour concrete on it I can barge through walls.  Hair cuts like that are mush more effective.
- White Paul -
I reckon you should get it cut real short (a no.1) and then shave an obscene word into it.
- OzzyPedro -
 

Oh, BTW, what's wrong with sitting on your roof, *Elvis*??  I like it up here.... stop watching that darned TV all the time and come join me! The view's wonderful, and it's SO much fun when there's an electrical storm...
tai http://www.geocities.com/tar_frog
Elvis will be released from prison in a week or two.
- OzzyPedro -
 

Why am I so stupid? White Paul Heh. - Maggie - One word Paul... Gene pool. - Shmiley - *note* HAH, Even from JAIL, you didn't think I'd cut you a little slack & fix this for ya, did ya Shmiley? Nah, you know me better than that! - ES - It's Great to be Las Vegas! - CarNut - Because you spend all of your time here, that's why. See Elvis has a brain sucking machine.... The rest is self explanatory. - Spooky - I believe that I have just become smarter for asking this question.  Oops, I just became dumber for answering it. - White Paul -

Maggie