| THIS
WEEK
Will
you give me two ten's for a five?
Protozoa
Yes,
I will give you two ten ton stone coins from the island of Yap for a five
dollar bill. Sound fair?
- Jason
-
No,
but I’ll give you two cans of creamed corn for one shiny new toaster with
the capacity to cook eight pieces of toast at once. That’s one heck of
a deal! Now go get me a sandwich.
- Simian
-
I would,
but I can't give you exact change as all I have are 3 dollar bills, plus
I saved all of my change in my piggy bank, and I am too attached to him
to slaughter him for the money right now.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Why
is it that you wash your car and it rains the next day?
Protozoa
Well
since I’m not allowed to drive I can only pretend to have a car. Can I
borrow yours?
- Simian
-
Deep
thoughts: How come I commit myself to too much stuff in the months of February
and March? How come people can't ask me evenly throughout the year to do
stuff?
Blonde
Throw
away your calendar and ignore everybody.
- OzzyPedro
-
As
the Mach 5 speeds, Spridle isn't well hidden. Where is the monkey?
Roblem
x@mutantnation.com
I am
the monkey! Spridle is locked in the trunk. Give me a cookie.
- Simian
-
Since
Elvis has obviously rejected (boo hoo) my pathetic attempts at seduction,
I would like to know if Putrid will become a permanent on your site? He
could always take Elvis's place if he decided to go on one of his little
runaways from the FBI. Just a thought.
Jen
marjen@bit.net.au
A permanent
what? Annoyance? Fixture? Denture Adhesive? Stain?
- Jason
-
Well
Jen, I sure don't plan on going anywhere soon. I gave up my bubble gum
telemarketing project finally, I don't sit in the corner, I mean, ON the
corner with my 3 Card Monty Table, and I even no longer have the urge to
poke mimes, thanks to electricity & The I Hate Mimes Club! We are still
getting postcards from Putrid, who has been hiding out with Whitey Bulger.
And now that the auction is over I can get back to work selling my new
hand soap made out of glue & pesticides. Things are finally looking
up!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Where
are Chinese gooseberries from?
Fezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sidewinder_71@hotmail.com
I'm
going to go out on a limb and say China. That's my final answer Regis.
- Jason
-
Some
say they are grown in secret laboratories run by unhappy magical gnomes
who live just outside of New Jersey. Others say that they are the creation
of a group of mad scientist who want to create hordes of Teletubbie clones.
Still others say that they were sent here by aliens in order to subjugate
the human race through mind control. Personally I think they’re from Australia.
- Simian
-
Ancient
chinese secret, huh?
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Did
you know that your mother's a thief? That's right, because she stole
the tyres off my car and made them into your lips, baby!
John
I already
knew she was thief because she stole Fat Boy Slim's butt and turned into
your head.
-OzzyPedro
-
Liar.
If that was true, she'd always make that "bubbabubbabubba" sound when you
move your finger over your lips fast.. because, the rubber would continually
bounce off of itself. DON'T LIE ABOUT MY MOMMA!
- Awecksus
-
Because
your car can no longer be driven, I will feel free to throw kitchenware
at you from my car if I ever drive by your house and happen to see you
watering your lawn.
- Fezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
-
What
is the meaning of life? I've found that chocolate and toilet plungers
play a big part, but I still don't get it. HELP!!!!!!!
Tina
admiralbatman@hotmail.com
I'm
kind of partial to Shop Vacs, Uranium 238, and Fruit Newtons myself.
- Jason
-
Chocolate
and plungers? You DO need help! Forget all that - life is about whiskey,
crescent rolls and Valium. Oh and William Shatner because he’s one hot
meat puppet (thanks Pablo!).
- Simian
-
No No
Tina! That's NOT chocolate! Eww GROSS! Toilet plungers are icky!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Yo,
what happened to the "I Hate Mimes Club", and "The Church of Poppin' Fresh"?
Where's all the old stuff? I'm confusd, very confused...
Tina
admiralbatman@hotmail.com
We prefer
not to dwell in the past. Look to the future, forget the past, history
is meant to be forgotten in a beer induced fog.
- Jason
-
Aww,
Tina - it's okay to be confused. Just try to remember that you are in a
safe place now & they can't hurt you anymore. When I am confused, I
like to sing "Fish - heads - fish - heads - rolypoly fish - heads - fish
- heads - fish - heads - eat them up - yum."
- Elvis
Shortliver -
What
type of people would vote for Jesse Ventura? Isn't that a bit drastic of
a vote?
Rosetroy
My next
door neighbor would. He thinks that Jesse Ventura is Ace Ventura's brother.
- OzzyPedro
-
I'm
from the Land O' Lakes... You've got to understand that amusement here
is a big mall, hot dish, and Paul Bunyan Land. If you came here and were
an ex-wrestler who wore a hot pink boa and cool shades, hell.. we'd vote
for you, too!
- Awecksus
-
 If
the police can give you a ticket for parking in a handicapped parking space,
can you also get a ticket for using the really big stall in the restroom?
(Please hurry!)
Big
Ed donkpunch@maiermedia.com
Tickets?
You mean all this time I have been running from the police in fear of -
A TICKET? Do you know how much it costs to hide out in Indo-China, gangbanging
with the Sing-Sing Militia, when I could have taken care of it with my
3 dollar bill maker? Gosh, I need to get out more...
- Elvis
Shortliver -
To
be, or not to be.
Fezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sidewinder_71@hotmail.com
Sorry
Fez we already did that one in week 42 of the old question/answer archives.
I'll replay it for you: OK, now let's negate that: Not(To be, or not to
be) = Not to be, or not not to be. but since Not(not(x)) = x, we're left
with Not to be, or to be. Now if we negate that again Not(not to be, or
not not to be) = Not not to be, or not not not to be, but Not(not(x)) =
x, so we're back to "To be or, not to be". Now if we assume the comma represents
a commutative function like addition, it looks like even if you negate
the phrase To be, or not to be, you still get the equivalent statement
of Not to be, or to be. Whew, that was a wild ride huh?
- Jason
-
Some
told me that I have too few brains to be of use to anyone. How many brains
should I have?
OzzyPedro
Enough
to fill your head but not too much as to spill out your mouth when you
talk. There is nothing grosser than talking to someone who’s spitting up
their own brains and having it stick to your fur.
- Simian
-
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