| THIS
WEEK
Die
Tim
Excuse
me Tim? Is your death going to take long? I got a fresh drink waiting.
- Simian
-
Jason,
are you sterile?
Guido
http://www.looneyland.net
Yes.
I sleep in a hermetically sealed container and shower with hydrogen peroxide.
My body temperature of 400+ degrees will kill almost any microbe in a matter
of seconds. Why, did you want me to perform surgery?
- Jason
-
Daddy's
gonna buy both of us new shoes for our burf-day.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
What
are Frosted Flakes so ggrrrrreeeeeeeaaaaaaaattttttttttttttt?
Whinny
Hopalong
Heroin.
That frosty coating isn't really sugar, it's heroin. You're addicted
to them. They really taste like crap, but you'd eat dirt to get a
fix if you had to.
- Jason
-
Why
are you always after those damn Lucky Charms?
Whinny
Hopalong
Coz
they're the only things that taste wicked snarly soaked in Drambuie and
red label Thunderbird. Wait! What am I saying? Everything tastes great
soaked in Drambuie and red label Thunderbird!
- Simian
-
Ok,
so WHICH teletubbie is the gay one? People say TinkieWinkie but I was watching
it again last night and Poe seemed to have the lesbian thing going on.
And then after 4 more episodes Dispy seemed kinda queer-ish. And finally
after 10 more episodes LaLa also seemed into poking that anteanna where
it don't belong....
Whinny
Hopalong
 Humans
did a survey, and found out it was good, so it must be good.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Can
you make them leave me alone, damn it?
Whinny
Hopalong
Mee
two. Give it back!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Did
Simian take part in the Whiskey Rebellion?
Whinny
Hopalong
I asked
her, but she said she couldn't remember, she was too drunk at the time.
- Jason
-
What?
I was never under the impression that whiskey of any kind, or label, was
being repressed. Have you been going into my liquor cabinet, Whinny?
- Simian
-
What
should you do if you accidently get yellow snow shoved down your throat
by a vicious neighbor who also happens to be very hot but crams yellow
snow down your throat at very bad times when they have an unfair advantage?
Whinny
Hopalong
This
isn't real, so you should be fine.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
Elvis
is HOTTTTTT!
lady
sasami
And
fluffy.
- Jason
-
Not
nearly as hot as steam though.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
If
you love me, tell me that you love me, if you don't, please tell me that
you do. Well? do ya? C'mon, I know at least the monkey
does..
The
Jester
 I
haven't seen a more horrific episode of mental instability since that guy
blew up the dead whale on TV and pieces of rotting whale carcass hit screaming
onlookers in the crowd. And that was even after that time in New Orleans
where I drank a gallon of Sambuca in 7 minutes. Go figure.
- Simian
-
What
are your favorite uses for lubricating substances?
Kristi
1) Keeping
an engine running.
2) Entertainment:
Apply to floor, wait for Elvis and Simian to come home drunk, sit back
and watch antics ensue.
3) Useful
for greasing the monkey up to retrieve my keys from the heating duct.
- Jason
-
I dont
have a question I have a clarity. Im not a guy so dont say that my
parents married each other and refer to me as a guy im a girl so get it
right. I M afa king psycho beach. and oh yeah they guys with
the medication bottle caught me. The damn bastards thought they could
throw me in the circus but i tricked the carnies into thinking I was a
cannibal clown so ccouldnt be trusted with small children. If you
see them ask them to take me back because I dont think the clown and cannibal
part was much of a lie. Tell them Im ready to come out of the closet
if they will admit they arent real people. Those damn carnies.
oh
look theres an airplane
Dear
I M afa king psycho beach, If you get a busy tone, please hang up and dial
again. Love, Elvis. PS: We don't know what we're doing.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
You
know, I saw this question and I just shook my little primate head. I couldn't
read it. I didn't read it. I don't even know if it's a question. More than
likely it's a rambling confession of deep psychotic problems; a strange,
delusional rant brought on by many, many horrific physical beatings. My
advice for you readers? Drink. Heavily.
- Simian
-
Why
Poppin' Fresh?
Lucy
Why?
Because HE makes sweet, buttery delicacies that are oh so hot and fresh!
Because HE wears a giant chef's hat atop his doughy round head. Because
HE brought us Crescent Rolls! HE brought us Caramel Grands! And Cinnamon
Rolls! And Hungry Jack pancake mix! And Toaster Strudel! Because Poppin'
Fresh is a demi-god with the cutest giggle. And check it out - HE'S not
wearing pants! What more could a little monkey ask for?
- Simian
-
Because
oozing fresh didn't sound very appealing.
- Jason
-
Why
in he11 did you let Putrid answer questions? He is not even smart.
All he cares about is spanking his *bettys* Gawd, I hate people like
that. He called me a Micheal Jackson weirdo.... URGGGGGGGGGGGGG!
That just makes me mad, you know? I guess the point here is, DONT
HIRE PUTRID EVER EVER AGAIN! Even if you didn't hire him and all he did
was show up, kick his sorry @ss.
lady
sasami
Where's
my flyswatter! I can't go until I find my flyswatter! No, they don't take
me this time! I'm NOT ready to fight, IF I CAN fight even AT ALL! Oh no,
oh, no, no, no, no, no, or whatever.
- Elvis
Shortliver -
What
exactly is shampoo made of?
Shmiley
www.ranting.homestead.com/topten.html
Oh look!
My new Highlights Magazine just arrived! I wonder what those zany guys,
Goofus and Gallant are up to today! Boy, they crack me up!
- Simian
-
what
ever happened to Davey and Golith? did they die?
slappy
 I
hear they eventually started their own religious cult that believed the
Dodo would be resurrected and rule the earth. The followers died
off when they consumed too much clay (representing the body of Davey),
and their digestive tracts got clogged up.
- Jason
-
I'm
not here.
Tahmeekah
Lahsheekah
Deja
Vu!
- Elvis
Shortliver -
How
do you apply for the job of "rapping granny?"
Tahmeekah
Lahsheekah
I believe
rapping granny may be an oxymoron. . . However, if you're serious about
it, I'd suggest you talk to J-Lo, or Master McPuffy D Meister Hoosenhoffer.
- Jason
-
Does
Mr. Bob like 98 year old women? Because I can help him become a "MR." if
you know what I mean!
Tahmeekah
Lahsheekah
This
is offensive on so many levels; I just don't know where to begin.
- Simian
-
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